When I first heard about The Path to Enlightenment, I assumed, like most people, that it led to a destination. And judging by the people who first told me about it, I assumed it would be a quiet place where gentle people sat still a lot and never slammed doors.
Not literally of course. I wasn’t stupid. I realised it would be about personal growth. You know, improving your character, getting rid of what’s wrong with you, that sort of thing. I imagined a lot of virtuous people being serene. But I didn’t believe there was an actual place. (Probably.)
One thing I was certain about was that the Path to Enlightenment would be about improving things. I mean, what’s the point otherwise?
Can I come too?
However, since I assumed only monks and yogis and daring, single people would get a shoo-in, I didn’t expect a seat on the enlightenment bus. I was already married, mortgaged, and a mother. Besides, there were probably heaps of rules I’d never be able to keep. (Like silence for a start!) And I knew I would never, ever, in a million years leave my children behind to go on a spiritual quest. And anyway, and this was probably the clincher. I shout. And slam doors. A lot!
I decided the best I could do would be to aim for a vaguely parallel course.
not a place
The thing I didn’t realise, while I was stumbling through the debris of my life, was that every moment, every event, and every single emotion or mundane detail of life is The Path! The point is not to change anything except managing our own states of mind.
Of course, as we grow in wisdome and stability, we do become more effective agents of worthwhile change. But enlightenment is not about changing things around us. It’s about being kinder and more alive no matter what is going on.
another path?
For me, and other mothers, The Path has been strewed with crayons and soggy weetbix and lost socks and broken nights. You don’t need children to provide trip hasards either. Shards of longing or regret, or grief and anger litter our inner ground and catch us out long after we think they’re gone.
Domestic mayhem could not be further removed from well swept monastaries and austere mountain caves. But you know what? It doesn’t matter!
Whether you are a monk in a cave or a mother in a kitchen, the spiritual journey is only ever about more authentic being, and and taking responsibility for our own states of mind.
The spiritual path is more like a dog park and learning how to bring the mind home whenever it wanders off.
Distraction is ineitable in the bustle of family life. But the tender, frustrating, overwhelming, flesh-and-blood immediacy of caring for others is also a valid path.
where healing lies
What truly matters in the quest for enlightenment isn’t what is happening, but how we manage ourselves in the midst of what is happening.
We don’t need to prevent difficult feelings or circumstnaces. As long as we are alive we’ll meet with those,. What truly transforms us is finding ways to sit in the spaciousness of each moment, be patient, practise kindnesss, and commit to growing in wisdome and compassion..
That’s where The Path leads. That’s where the healing lies.
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About this blog
If you got this far, that means you’ve read my first ever blog post. I’m thrilled! Thanks for hanging out.
In future articles we’ll have some fun with stories about what went wrong while I was trying to get things right. (*spoiler alert – lots!)
We’ll talk more about meditation, mindfulness and healing. We’ll also look the emerging science around brain plasticity and how to use these discoveries to deepen our understanding of trauma recovery,
(Fun fact. Even just witnessing an act of kindness lights up the prefrontal cortex. That means it sets off a flurry of new neural connections in parts of the brain connected with happiness, self-regulation, social skills, and the ability to relax.)
Please leave comments and questions.
I’m interested and happy to hear from you. If you have questions about meditation, or how to apply the practices, please do ask. There will always be somebody else wanting to know the same thing and not sure how to ask.
Meantime my lovelies, be kind to yourselves. And when you notice you’re not being kind, then be kind to yourself because you noticed. Kindness is good for you. That’s science!
Nga mihi. (That means ‘respectful acknowledgement’ in Maori, the indigenous language of my beautiful homeland, New Zealand.)
See you next time.
Mayhem and Mindfulness 